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[aldhani]

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[aldhani]

[cassian lets this sit for some time, a debate on how to proceed turning in his mind. he doesn't know what max had said, exactly, but he can guess; she'd probably come at qimir with the kind of anger that would scare anyone into apologizing, no matter what they'd actually done. maybe there's a little satisfaction in him at that knowledge.

there's no reason to make enemies here, not among the people who are also being held captive. there's also reason, more than enough, to be wary; he's not going to forget that.

in the end:]

It's fine. I'm fine.

1/2

[snaggleteeth]

[it's rude, even without reading anyone's thoughts, to assert that someone is not okay. to tell them how they feel. 'qimir' is off his game, but he's spent a long time observing people, pretending to be one.

he's spent time observing animals, too. been one of those. rolling over, exposing the belly to say, you can trust me, at least this far.]

I'm not. This isn't an excuse. Most people don't know people like me exist, but the ones who do did not tolerate us. I was being hunted. I'm trying not to act like it, here, but it bled out. Badly.

2/2

[snaggleteeth]

So, I'm sorry.

[the words haven't come out of him in a very long time. not even when he meant to patch up with osha, hours after trying to cut her head off.

strange times.]

[aldhani]

[some of the tension wears away from his jaw as he reads this, as he adds it into his considerations. qimir had talked about the republic, but things hadn't started with the empire, had they? kenari had been stripped apart years before he'd ever heard the name.

it isn't so hard to believe that a people nearly nonexistent in his time would've faced this in the past. that, too, probably hadn't started with the empire.

so, finally:]

I know what that's like.

[an acknowledgement, and maybe, in some parts, an understanding.]

I'm still looking over my shoulder everyday, waiting for something to happen.

[snaggleteeth]

Yes. And the feeling of being watched, here. Doesn't help.

[a persistent, low grade grind on his nerves. gnawing on the back of his mind. bad, in combination with the paranoia what had him lying in the first place. at this point, mind reading is not necessary to imagine cassian is the same. similar. worse off, maybe.]

Somehow, the idea we can't stay dead here also isn't better, for me. But maybe that will help you to know, if you didn't.

[he imagines, obscurely, for a man engaged to be married, it might seem a boon. the power of two being what it is.]

[aldhani]

[it truly doesn't help at all; on that, they're agreed. somehow, it feels heavier and more constant now than it ever has — even under the empire, and even in duplicity.]

It was the same, where we were before this. They were always watching us. People didn't stay dead.

But there were more restrictions.

[this is mostly information that was on max's post, out there for people to see, but with one new item. a start.]

[snaggleteeth]

[the absence of death is one of the less likely threats the stranger has ever faced. he does notice, this single addition to max's public disclosure. it's an important one.]

Did the dead come back 'wrong' in Duplicity, too?

[fewer restrictions though, he'll take.]

[aldhani]

It only happened to me once, so I don't know if this is always the case.

[not counting the time he'd been knocked out, had slept for days, and had woken with years' worth of memories, including his own death on scarif; that had felt different, and isn't within the scope of this conversation to address.]

After I came back, I was cold for a week. No ability to warm up, except when making physical contact with someone else.

[snaggleteeth]

[that sounds utterly miserable. yet not as concerning as he feared, oddly enough.]

Were you still yourself? Your memories, your instincts. What you loved and hated?

[dark and light. one informs the other.]

[aldhani]

I was. Nothing about me had changed, apart from that.

[just a specific kind of misery for someone who hates being cold to begin with.]

[snaggleteeth]

This old dispatch might be helpful for you. For me, it only raised as many questions as it answered. We didn't talk about souls so much, when I came from. Nor gods, in the world where I was raised.

[aldhani]

[cassian recognizes this for what it is: something beyond an apology, an acknowledgement of what he'd been willing to offer.]

I haven't made it that far back. Thank you.

[he takes time to play the message over, to digest it.]

We didn't talk about souls, either. But if this is right, it means we're trapped here, in every way possible, until they're done with us.

[his take, at least. it's not a comforting thought.]

[snaggleteeth]

[it takes 'qimir' longer than ever to respond to that one.

it's not new; by now, more than one guest has alluded to the same thing. especially the ones who've been here months and months. if not about the external conditions of their future, then the necessary coping skills for surviving here. but it means more, coming from cassian andor.]

Sounds like you can live with that.