[if her first message had given him a hint of suspicion, this one is practically a confirmation: mostly translates to some version of no. wasting seconds speculating about how that's a no would be just that, a waste, so he starts walking a little faster.]
[ nothing’s wrong in the sense that this is something she’s experienced enough to know what to expect and how to deal with it, but he’s correct in assuming she’s not exactly okay, either. this cycle is uncomfortable and humiliating and she hates it, but it’s easier to cope with it with a partner.
only it turns out this conversation isn’t any easier to have once you’ve gotten close with someone.
her skin flushes hotter as she reads his response and she swallows, her mouth going dry. the reassurance that she’s fine is almost sent but she erases it, not wanting to lie and doubting he’d believe it anyway. ]
[her response briefly makes him pause, briefly makes his brow furrow in confusion.
briefly. he trusts her, so he just sends back a quick:]
Okay.
[that's the last from cassian before he stows his device and finishes rounding the block toward the apartment building. it isn't long, minutes at most, until he's inside, on the elevator, and then to their floor. to the door.
which he opens, cautiously, ready to reach for something stowed in his belt if he needs to. if there'd been a physical threat, max wouldn't need his help to deal with it, but he's always ready for something like that. he has to be.
a quick sweep with his eyes once he's stepped in, though, confirms that's not the case. he shuts the door behind him.]
[ even knowing he’s on his way, she’s surprised at how little time passes between his last message and when he enters the door. she’s still in the bedroom, finger combing through damp hair and pulling on an oversized shirt (one of his, she realizes as she pulls it over her head, briefly overwhelmed by his scent) when she hears the door open, but only the lightest footsteps entering.
she comes out, the skin of her cheeks flushed a deep pink, eyes a little shiny and dilated, and not wearing much besides the shirt, taking him in with a gaze that could almost be described as ravenous before realizing how on guard he is, and then it shifts to bewilderment. ]
Cassian? [ she looks him over briefly, a little concerned now. ] Did you run here?
[the confirmation doesn't have him trusting — not immediately. he's still slow, careful, and deliberate with his steps as he moves through the living area, eyes flicking to the window a few times before it's clear that there's nothing there aside from jondy, her tail draped peacefully over the windowsill as she sleeps. it's only then that cassian drops his hand from his belt, and tries for some approximation of the deep breath that the cat has.
he's so focused on this that he nearly misses max stepping out of the bedroom, and only just barely manages to stop himself from startling.
turning, he looks her over just the same as she's looking him over. she doesn't have the appearance of someone who's in trouble, especially when she's not wearing much more than one of his shirts — and even if there are pieces he's still missing (lots of them, clearly), his gaze can't help but linger.]
No. [he crosses his arms over his chest, one shoulder lightly lifting in half a shrug.] I walked.
[ she raises an eyebrow at his state, but then she recognizes how his gaze is lingering on her and a smile starts to curve her mouth. she comes closer, reaching for his hand, and then remembers he doesn’t know what’s going on, that she should tell him about it before they start to get into anything. he already knows about how she was genetically engineered; this is technically just an extension of that.
just a lot more embarrassing. ]
I, uh - there’s something I should explain. [ she gestures at herself. ] It’s got to do with my physiology.
[in truth, he still hasn't fully caught his breath from the rush to get here — and the sight of her stalls the progress on that. when she comes closer, he steps closer, too, dropping his arms and circling his fingers around the hand that reaches for his. the smile she gives him gets a brief one of his own, which ebbs when she speaks again, because she sounds serious. not in the way he'd thought over text, maybe, but serious all the same.
he nods, gently squeezing her hand. tells her, with the same gravity,]
[ her heartbeat quickens as he squeezes her hand and she’s tempted to forget the speech she needs to give and start kissing and begging him to touch her right there. she swallows instead, trying to breathe through her mouth so his scent doesn’t overwhelm her senses. ]
Okay, uh - so when I was made, they engineered me with feline DNA. [ she gestures towards jondy, who’s calmly snoozing by her favorite windowsill, mostly unaware of what’s going on in spite of her probably being able to sense it (she’d been more affectionate earlier, trying to comfort max with nuzzles and headbutting). max can only guess that it had to do with her having been spayed. ] Like Jondy’s, only I’m pretty sure they used a bigger form of feline than a kitten.
[ god, this is uncomfortable no matter how well she’s gotten to know whoever she’s telling it to. she sighs, pushing her hair off of the back of her neck. ]
It lead to some side effects. I - go through mating cycles a few times a year.
[as he'd said, he's listening, and he does so with nothing but his full attention. (she never receives anything less from him.) her discomfort is obvious, so he stays close, keeping her hand in his, following her eyes when she gestures and making a concerted effort to be here and steady for her.
but the thought that immediately surfaces in his mind is: that's it?
it's not one he voices, of course, because he doesn't want to undermine her trust in him or what it's meant to her to disclose this — but he'd been expecting something a lot more... shocking, maybe? there's no reaction from him at this, since there isn't one to have.
gently, he lifts his free hand, brushing more hair off the back of her neck.]
That's not uncommon where I'm from. [he tells her this like he'd tell her any other fact he knows — because that's exactly what it is.] Some people have cycles. It just depends.
[ she’s still anxious after letting him know what’s happening with her, because even though it’s never really been treated as big of a deal as it feels to her, it’s still a part of herself that she hates, because all she can think about is how this is another way manticore engineered her so she’d never truly get to have control of her own life. she doesn’t look back at him until he reaches for her, brushing aside more of her hair. her skin flares hotter beneath his touch and she draws in a breath, trying to concentrate on what he says. it’s a little disarming to hear that it’s something he’s familiar with. ]
It’s not? [ it’s almost blurted out, like she can’t comprehend the information. ] I just - I’ve never heard of this being something other people go through. Not even people like me.
[he continues to watch her and the still visible signs of her anxiety; as he does, his own confusion turns into hurt, on her behalf, at the idea that she'd be made to feel like this, so othered, so alone, because of something that really isn't that outlandish. his eyes soften as he takes half a step forward, all that it takes to cover the remaining distance between them. it doesn't escape his notice, either, that her skin feels just a little hotter under his touch — but that's knowledge he tables for the moment.
what feels more important to him, now, is to wrap an arm around her and bend his head to press a kiss to the top of hers, before just holding her close.
for a time, he's quiet, and when he finally breaks that silence, his voice is softer than before.]
[ for all she knows, other x5s have gone through this, but it hadn't been something that had had a chance to be discussed, given what else had been happening. so it does feel isolating, which isn't something she's really thought about. but the main reason she hates it is because she feels so out of control.
he comes closer to wrap an arm around her and just...hold her for a little bit, and for a few moments she feels stable, her body and mind calming enough to process everything. this isn't a big deal to him which makes her feel less uncomfortable about it, and more than that, he recognizes that she views it as an issue, something she goes through that she doesn't enjoy because of how it makes her feel and what it represents.
her eyes close as he presses a kiss to the top of her head, letting her body press fully against his as she lets him hold her. for a moment she feels content and safe, in spite of the fever still burning through her that she knows she'll need to acknowledge sooner rather than later.
one hand curls into his jacket as her opposite arm curves around his waist, and eventually she looks up, eyes on his mouth before she presses hers against it, kissing him gently. ]
[even if he'd never heard of anything like a mating cycle in his life, what she's told him wouldn't change anything. it wouldn't change the way he holds her, close and secure, trying to do his part to give her a moment away from what's made her anxious and uncomfortable just to breathe. it wouldn't change the way that he breathes, too, the last of the tension from his own anxiety of not knowing what he might find when he'd walked through the door. it wouldn't change the soft rhythm of his hand at her back, an added reassurance, just in case she needs it.
and it certainly wouldn't change the way that he kisses her back, a match of her gentleness that's also steady. certain.
as he does, his hand reaches for her face, fingers framing her cheek. he'll let her set the pace of this, whatever makes her comfortable, but for now, he's content to keep things like this (there's a hum against her mouth, confirming that), until he has to come up for air — which happens much sooner than he'd like.
he doesn't drift far. and to the inch of space that that now separates his mouth from hers, he confesses, in a solemn murmur,]
[ there’s not much heat to the kiss to start, even as he kisses her back. it becomes more heated as she feels his hand skim over her back, offering comfort and reassurance that she hadn’t fully recognized she’d been seeing, and her lips part to taste him a little better as her hand tightens in the folds of his jacket, tugging him closer to her.
it’s not until he parts from her mouth for air, panting against her skin, that she pulls back, fixing him with a quizzical look until he confesses, and she can’t help but laugh at it, her eyes bright in spite of her slightly mocking tone. ]
[there'd been a hint of something in that kiss, a beginning that he'd certainly like to continue, but he can't help but be transfixed by the brightness in her eyes. he can't help but be held in place by the sound of her laugh. it tugs a smile of his own at the corners of his mouth.
even so, as he doesn't bother to hide that, he goes to an effort to create a front that he's actually making a serious offer with:]
I can always go back out and do it again, if you want.
[ she punctuates that by using the hand wound into his jacket to pull him down further, not bothering with pretense anymore as she presses her tongue past his lips to properly taste him. there’s a whimper that draws from her mouth as she presses herself closer, her free hand now roaming over his back and underneath fabric to seek out skin, desperate to feel him. ]
[maybe a laugh starts brewing in him, but she stops that before it even has the chance to go anywhere.
it isn't long, barely seconds, until he's forgotten about the impulse completely. honestly, he's forgotten about anything that isn't her mouth crashing into his, or that isn't him parting his lips for her so that they can better taste each other. the whimper from her sparks an urgency in him, and while he'd been content, only moments before, to take this slowly, that suddenly isn't enough anymore; shrugging out of his jacket, he begins to move his hands with a purpose, one slipping under the hem of her borrowed shirt, seeking out the warmth of her, and telegraphing back, clearly, that he's on the same page.]
[ he seems to get the message pretty quickly; that her body’s not cut out for taking this slow in this state, that she’s already been wound up and primed to go. this doesn’t mean she wants things over with quickly, just that it’s agonizing when they start to move too slowly.
his hand slips underneath her (his) shirt, his hand roaming wherever it can reach, and she gasps lightly against his mouth, shivering a little as she grasps for his wrist, guiding him to her inner thigh. there’s a moan that’s pulled from her as she feels his touch drag over her skin, already so hot and slick with want. she shudders again, drawing her tongue away to nip at the swell of his lower lip. ]
[whatever cues she gives him, he'll follow; her kisses may leave him almost breathless, and may drown out almost any other thought, but he keeps his focus fixed on her wants — and her comfort. and what she's giving him is clear: there'll be no teasing to build up anticipation, as he'd often ordinarily do, because she's halfway there already, wanting and desperate.
he knows it from the way she shivers under his touch, well before she guides him to the slick heat lining her inner thigh — but there's knowing and there's feeling, and the feeling has him taking in a sharp gasp. her teeth digging into his bottom lip draws an answering noise from the back of his own throat.
she's halfway there already, wanting and desperate, and he won't deny any relief that he could give her. shifting his hand just slightly away from where she's guided it so he can have a better angle, he pushes a finger in past her folds, rubbing his thumb over her clit in a rhythm that he's come to learn she responds to.
there's no telling how long she's been in this state up to this point, and so he won't let any more time dwindle.]
[ even with her guidance, she's not quite expecting him to catch up to where she's already at so quickly, especially with his reaction to how primed her body is for what they're about to do. there's a wicked smile that curves at her mouth, up until he shifts his hand closer and presses his fingers inside and against her, and her knees buckle as she sinks against his touch, groaning against his mouth.
there's a moment where she needs to cling to him before working herself against him, riding his hand with careful, small movements to start. if this is over too quickly she'll need it again too soon, and she doesn't want to get overwhelmed before they even really get a chance to start. ]
[the concept of this may not be new to cassian, but her experience with it, specifically, is; he's not actually sure how much max needs from him, or how quickly. in the moment that she stills, clinging to him, he begins to question if she might've needed more time before he'd applied that kind of touch. he's about to pull back just far enough so he can ask —
but then she sinks into his touch, begins to ride his hand, and he has his answer. there's a sigh that breathes out of him as he captures her mouth with his again, a reassurance as steady as the arm that's wrapped around her, holding her close. he lets his hand follow her lead, using the small, careful motions that she does, waiting for her cues to shift his rhythm.]
[ tension starts to build within her as she continues to move her hips to match his rhythm, pleasure spreading through her until her skin feels like it’s on fire. she urges him into a quicker speed and groans as his movements become erratic as the speed picks up. she can feel her want dripping against her thighs, making his fingers slick and messy, and she tears her mouth away from his to pant against his shoulder, clinging tight to him so she doesn’t dissolve to the ground. ]
Please, [ she gasps sharply as she feels him press deeper, making her shiver again ] please -
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
un: guevara (i don’t have any other ideas to start and i still wanna do this)
you gonna be back soon?
this is perfect tbh
[these things are hard to tell over text, but there's something about the tone that makes cassian pause. enough to ask:]
Is everything okay?
good <333
[ she’s tempted to leave it there but the fact that he’s asking makes her feel guilty about lying. ]
yeah. mostly.
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Let me know if there's anything I need to do.
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only it turns out this conversation isn’t any easier to have once you’ve gotten close with someone.
her skin flushes hotter as she reads his response and she swallows, her mouth going dry. the reassurance that she’s fine is almost sent but she erases it, not wanting to lie and doubting he’d believe it anyway. ]
i’ll explain when you’re here.
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briefly. he trusts her, so he just sends back a quick:]
Okay.
[that's the last from cassian before he stows his device and finishes rounding the block toward the apartment building. it isn't long, minutes at most, until he's inside, on the elevator, and then to their floor. to the door.
which he opens, cautiously, ready to reach for something stowed in his belt if he needs to. if there'd been a physical threat, max wouldn't need his help to deal with it, but he's always ready for something like that. he has to be.
a quick sweep with his eyes once he's stepped in, though, confirms that's not the case. he shuts the door behind him.]
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she comes out, the skin of her cheeks flushed a deep pink, eyes a little shiny and dilated, and not wearing much besides the shirt, taking him in with a gaze that could almost be described as ravenous before realizing how on guard he is, and then it shifts to bewilderment. ]
Cassian? [ she looks him over briefly, a little concerned now. ] Did you run here?
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he's so focused on this that he nearly misses max stepping out of the bedroom, and only just barely manages to stop himself from startling.
turning, he looks her over just the same as she's looking him over. she doesn't have the appearance of someone who's in trouble, especially when she's not wearing much more than one of his shirts — and even if there are pieces he's still missing (lots of them, clearly), his gaze can't help but linger.]
No. [he crosses his arms over his chest, one shoulder lightly lifting in half a shrug.] I walked.
[and he had — very quickly. very briskly.]
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just a lot more embarrassing. ]
I, uh - there’s something I should explain. [ she gestures at herself. ] It’s got to do with my physiology.
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he nods, gently squeezing her hand. tells her, with the same gravity,]
I'm listening.
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Okay, uh - so when I was made, they engineered me with feline DNA. [ she gestures towards jondy, who’s calmly snoozing by her favorite windowsill, mostly unaware of what’s going on in spite of her probably being able to sense it (she’d been more affectionate earlier, trying to comfort max with nuzzles and headbutting). max can only guess that it had to do with her having been spayed. ] Like Jondy’s, only I’m pretty sure they used a bigger form of feline than a kitten.
[ god, this is uncomfortable no matter how well she’s gotten to know whoever she’s telling it to. she sighs, pushing her hair off of the back of her neck. ]
It lead to some side effects. I - go through mating cycles a few times a year.
[ there it is. ]
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but the thought that immediately surfaces in his mind is: that's it?
it's not one he voices, of course, because he doesn't want to undermine her trust in him or what it's meant to her to disclose this — but he'd been expecting something a lot more... shocking, maybe? there's no reaction from him at this, since there isn't one to have.
gently, he lifts his free hand, brushing more hair off the back of her neck.]
That's not uncommon where I'm from. [he tells her this like he'd tell her any other fact he knows — because that's exactly what it is.] Some people have cycles. It just depends.
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It’s not? [ it’s almost blurted out, like she can’t comprehend the information. ] I just - I’ve never heard of this being something other people go through. Not even people like me.
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what feels more important to him, now, is to wrap an arm around her and bend his head to press a kiss to the top of hers, before just holding her close.
for a time, he's quiet, and when he finally breaks that silence, his voice is softer than before.]
It's a big galaxy.
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he comes closer to wrap an arm around her and just...hold her for a little bit, and for a few moments she feels stable, her body and mind calming enough to process everything. this isn't a big deal to him which makes her feel less uncomfortable about it, and more than that, he recognizes that she views it as an issue, something she goes through that she doesn't enjoy because of how it makes her feel and what it represents.
her eyes close as he presses a kiss to the top of her head, letting her body press fully against his as she lets him hold her. for a moment she feels content and safe, in spite of the fever still burning through her that she knows she'll need to acknowledge sooner rather than later.
one hand curls into his jacket as her opposite arm curves around his waist, and eventually she looks up, eyes on his mouth before she presses hers against it, kissing him gently. ]
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and it certainly wouldn't change the way that he kisses her back, a match of her gentleness that's also steady. certain.
as he does, his hand reaches for her face, fingers framing her cheek. he'll let her set the pace of this, whatever makes her comfortable, but for now, he's content to keep things like this (there's a hum against her mouth, confirming that), until he has to come up for air — which happens much sooner than he'd like.
he doesn't drift far. and to the inch of space that that now separates his mouth from hers, he confesses, in a solemn murmur,]
I did run here.
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it’s not until he parts from her mouth for air, panting against her skin, that she pulls back, fixing him with a quizzical look until he confesses, and she can’t help but laugh at it, her eyes bright in spite of her slightly mocking tone. ]
Yeah? I should have timed it.
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even so, as he doesn't bother to hide that, he goes to an effort to create a front that he's actually making a serious offer with:]
I can always go back out and do it again, if you want.
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[ she punctuates that by using the hand wound into his jacket to pull him down further, not bothering with pretense anymore as she presses her tongue past his lips to properly taste him. there’s a whimper that draws from her mouth as she presses herself closer, her free hand now roaming over his back and underneath fabric to seek out skin, desperate to feel him. ]
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it isn't long, barely seconds, until he's forgotten about the impulse completely. honestly, he's forgotten about anything that isn't her mouth crashing into his, or that isn't him parting his lips for her so that they can better taste each other. the whimper from her sparks an urgency in him, and while he'd been content, only moments before, to take this slowly, that suddenly isn't enough anymore; shrugging out of his jacket, he begins to move his hands with a purpose, one slipping under the hem of her borrowed shirt, seeking out the warmth of her, and telegraphing back, clearly, that he's on the same page.]
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his hand slips underneath her (his) shirt, his hand roaming wherever it can reach, and she gasps lightly against his mouth, shivering a little as she grasps for his wrist, guiding him to her inner thigh. there’s a moan that’s pulled from her as she feels his touch drag over her skin, already so hot and slick with want. she shudders again, drawing her tongue away to nip at the swell of his lower lip. ]
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he knows it from the way she shivers under his touch, well before she guides him to the slick heat lining her inner thigh — but there's knowing and there's feeling, and the feeling has him taking in a sharp gasp. her teeth digging into his bottom lip draws an answering noise from the back of his own throat.
she's halfway there already, wanting and desperate, and he won't deny any relief that he could give her. shifting his hand just slightly away from where she's guided it so he can have a better angle, he pushes a finger in past her folds, rubbing his thumb over her clit in a rhythm that he's come to learn she responds to.
there's no telling how long she's been in this state up to this point, and so he won't let any more time dwindle.]
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there's a moment where she needs to cling to him before working herself against him, riding his hand with careful, small movements to start. if this is over too quickly she'll need it again too soon, and she doesn't want to get overwhelmed before they even really get a chance to start. ]
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but then she sinks into his touch, begins to ride his hand, and he has his answer. there's a sigh that breathes out of him as he captures her mouth with his again, a reassurance as steady as the arm that's wrapped around her, holding her close. he lets his hand follow her lead, using the small, careful motions that she does, waiting for her cues to shift his rhythm.]
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Please, [ she gasps sharply as she feels him press deeper, making her shiver again ] please -
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she has like five appropriate icons right now i'm sorry
i got u
😘
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